It's not because your panties don't spontaneously combust like most women's that the Dashing Major has a thing for you, you know. I think he is genuinely attracted to you. You should give him a chance.
I do get where you are coming from regarding other women though. They can be a pain and that evening was a case in point.
And yes we did notice what a good time you were having at that end of the table. It was in stark contrast to our end.
As you know, if you could see through the tears of laughter (not bitter at all), the Dashing Major and Convivial Count were either side of Lady Marmaduke. Plastic Patty had managed to elbow her way to the seat at the side of the Dashing Major (shock). Ever-so-capable Evelyn was at the side of the Convivial Count and I ended up at the other side of her.
Which was not much fun for me because for all Plastic Patty hung on the Dashing Major's every word she did pretty much the same with the Convivial Count. And both he and the Dashing Major seemed in competition to keep Lady Marmaduke entertained. Every so often Ever-so-competent Evelyn would throw me a bone but for the most part I was left to my other neighbour
Horsey Helen. Jeez where do they find these women. She was like a cartoon of what a rich English woman looks like. All nose and chin and whiney voice. And boring as hell. Did I know this person? No. Did I know this family? No. And whenever I said no she insisted on giving the most boring run down. So I took refuge in the wine. Which was fine. I can hold my drink.
Unlike Plastic Patty.
She was not dealing well with being ignored by the Dashing Major. And she was being ignored. And you're right he knows a thing or two. And obviously the Convivial Count is a well-bred gentleman so knows all about the arts and things.
Unlike Plastic Patty.
So both guys were keeping Lady Marmaduke in conversation with assistance from Ever-so-capable Evelyn, much to the increasing ire of Plastic Patty. When she attempted to join in her contribution was so crass that I think even she (eventually) realized and gave up.
There was a guy on the other side of Plastic Patty. I think he thought this might be his chance so he attempted so make conversation with her. She was having none of it. She told him to 'f***ing shut up and leave her alone'. Eyebrows were raised by a few guests but, in your very English way, nothing said. Certainly not by him. He took her at her word and didn't make any further attempt to speak to her.
So all she could do was eat and drink. And bitch. And she hardly touched her plate which was criminal because that was good food. Every so often she'd have a dig at someone at the table. Not Ever-so-capable Evelyn though. That was interesting.
I think I became vaguely aware that she was drunk when she grabbed a passing member of staff and waved an empty bottle at him. I remember thinking thank god that for her sake it had run out. But by that point I was being lectured on the merits of some family or other and how they had invested in .... oh to be honest I can't remember. I think I was dying on the inside.
Have you noticed how red wine stains the lips? And given those babies of hers boy was it obvious she'd been at the red. I reckon you'd have been able to see them at your end of the table had you not been having such a whale of a time. I am bitter. I should just admit it.
I don't think I saw the young guy put another bottle of wine on the table. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Plastic Patty snatch a bottle up and slosh a quantity of red wine into her glass. With a fair degree splashing onto the tablecloth. Red wine on white - not good.
And that's when Plastic Patty started making not so subtle digs at Lady Marmaduke. And I think Ever-so-capable Evelyn clocked the direction of travel this was going in. Desserts had arrived which temporarily distracted Horsey Helen thank Christ. So I asked Ever-so-capable Evelyn if she thought we needed to steer the drunken ship Plastic Patty out of the party.
She reckoned that only the Dashing Major could bring this off without there being a scene and he was deep in conversation with Lady Marmaduke. I guess trying to drown out the ramblings of the drunken woman.
Long story short there was a noise. I looked over to see what looked like an empty chair where Plastic Patty had just been. But she was still there. Just bent over with her head behind the Dashing Major's chair. And she was heaving her guts up.
What you saw was probably the activity of what seemed like a half dozen staff who sprung into action to sort out the damage, and the Dashing Major who leapt up and pretty much carried Plastic Patty from the room.
The idea I think was to stick her in a cab or something and get her sorry ass sent back to the Convivial Count's place. Somehow though she managed to stagger back into the room. Dashing Major had returned to the table thinking her safely in a car so looked as surprised as us when she wobbled back in.
You rarely see the Dashing Major angry but he looked furious and grabbed Plastic Patty by the arm and removed her from the room. I found out later from him that he made the cab driver lock the passenger doors and not unlock them until she was back at the Convivial Count's place. He then rang ahead and gave Jovial James a heads-up what was heading his way.
It did feel a bit strained after that but give the old lady her due, she didn't make any reference to it at all. But boy was I was glad when we were ushered out of there and into the ballroom. Ballroom. Who the hell has ballrooms in their house?
Not that you noticed but I spent much of the time after that avoiding Horsey Helen. I don't really do that kind of dancing but Ever-so-capable Evelyn led me around the floor in an ever so capable way once or twice. Not dancing was apparently not the done thing to do. Other than that I kept a low profile and watched whilst you laughed and danced and quite frankly my Lady lit up that room.
Have to say, you did at times seem to be struggling in those heels though.
Your turn now.
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