Have aliens landed and transported me to the land of Bugsy Malone? You have a lot to explain when we land.
And if we had been playing for money, the poker with Miss Humbug that is, then yes she would have fleeced us all. As it was we had a family sized bag of sweets that we used instead. The little sugar coated chocolate ones. We came up with a value for each colour and used them as chips.
But it was soooo late when we finished. And much wine had been consumed so later that morning I was less than useful.
Oh and I know that we had all been handling the sweets but I did think Miss Humbug might share them out before she went but she didn't. I can see her scoffing the lot whilst laughing at our ineptitude. I must find a poker game and practice. I'm sure there is one for the console.
So whilst the Dashing Major did what he needed to at the office yesterday I lay on the settee doing my best dying swan and snoozing through films. Which meant that the early start this morning wasn't nearly as painful as it might have been.
I'll text you our ETA but according to the announcement just then we are 18 mins ahead of schedule.
So the Dashing Major has explained your scheme regarding High Maintenance Mandy. It sounds very high risk if you ask me. Yes I get that she wants to come to the party without her entourage and the security and paparazzi and everything, but surely there are better ways than this? Kidnap is a crime in your country isn't it?
And yes I understand that she will be, once well away from the hotel, calling everyone to reassure them it is a jolly wheeze and she will see them Monday but what if they don't believe her? What if they call the police?
And yes I understand that she is turning her phone off and all of that shenanigans so it is unlikely they can trace where she is but what if someone at the party posts something on their social media? Can the police arrest you if she says it is a prank and she went willingly? I'm guessing not. But you hear such things about the systems in your country that quite frankly I wouldn't put it passed them.
I've decided that you are quite mad. And just a bit bad and dangerous to know too.
I don't usually get bored on flights but I'm bored. I want to be there and see New York and give you a big hug and meet Gretel and Hans and High Maintenance Mandy. I'm a bit giddy if I'm honest.
Flight screen tracker thing says it will be another 1 hr and 37 minutes before we arrive. I wonder if that has factored in the 18 mins or not. The Dashing Major is counting how many times I sigh - 72 so far he says.
He is so calm have you noticed? I mean here sits a man who is about to attempt to go undetected by numerous security cameras, avoid various security personnel (presumably armed) and sneak into what sounds like a well populated venue without being seen in order to help you get your girlfriend to a party.
There surely is another way.
One of the bathroom lights has been engaged for quite a while. It's either broken or there is a couple in there. Do people still do that? I shall ask the Dashing Major. He is a man of the world and will know these things.
He's suggested I might read a book or listen to some music. We're up to 77 sighs - apparently.
1 hr 35 mins and it doesn't look as if the plane on the screen is moving. Do you suppose that we are just hovering over the ocean.
Woman with a small child. Emerged from that bathroom. I guess in such a small space it would be difficult to sort out an infant. Do they have changing mats and things in there?
I went for a look and no they don't. How are you supposed to change a child's nappy in that space? Then again how are you supposed to ... I asked the Dashing Major and he said if I was so interested he would show me. I was tempted but then I considered everyone else who might be looking at the engaged light and speculating. And of course I had just been to the bathroom so it would look very odd and just a bit obvious. I declined - politely.
1 hr 13 mins. I have asked one of the cabin crew if the flight thingy had factored in the 18 mins and she thinks it probably has.
I think I understand now why that boy was kicking the back of your seat. It would pass the time if only to see how long it would take before the person in front started throwing peanuts.
I relayed that to the Dashing Major and he gave me a please don't look. 87 sighs - apparently.
Less than an hour now before we arrive so I will see you soon.
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