I love the idea that Miss Humbug may be a card shark. Was she? Did you get fleeced?
Glad you got the flights booked by the way. We'll collect you from the airport no problem.
And to put your mind at ease, Milady, the leg was a false one. And it had a partner. And gramps definitely had two legs of his own when he passed.
Various scenarios ran through my mind. Maybe gramps went around stealing the false legs off amputees. Maybe they were gran's and she had hidden it from us. None of them made sense.
Gretel Lederhosen is many things but squeamish ain't one of them. When I turned round she was digging around inside one of the legs. She pulled out a wad of cloth - there was a definite rattle. She turned the leg upside down and shook it. Out fell a gun. Great.
It was an old gun but still. So then she went poking around in the other leg. No gun. A knife. And it had been used. Old stains but definitely blood. ****ing fantastic.
Thankfully there is no CCTV in the locker. I checked.
So I was going to wait until we got the lockbox home to open it but as things stood decided to check it there. Intricate lock but no match for me. Lockbox stuffed full of cash.
I figured it was unlikely the gun or knife belonged to gramps. He didn't have the balls. He only hit women. So he was stashing them for someone. The cash presumably payment. But then he would have banked it wouldn't he? Or spent it? We didn't need to count the bills to guess it was in the thousands. So maybe he was storing the cash for someone too.
In a locker. In my name.
We were both careful not to get our prints on the weapons or the cash. I bagged the knife, gun and wad of cloth. I'd have to take those with me. I have a few favours (favors!!) I can call in maybe. Find out if the gun was used at least. We found a bag for the lockbox. Put some of the scrapbooks on top.
So then we spent a further hour just opening everything to make sure there were no other nasty surprises. Thankfully not.
Gretel does not have a poker face. She does have a sense of the dramatic. So we worked out a scenario for her. By the time we got to reception she was bemoaning the cost of getting rid of all my grandparents junk. And how long had the old man paid for the storage? Were we going to have to clear it quickly or risk a bill?
That was at the point we got to the desk. Sure enough the guy at the desk was busy tapping away on his PC. The unit was paid up for another 6-months. No rush to clear it.
I asked out of interest how long the stuff had been in there. He checked his screen again. It had been rented just over 18 months ago. Paid annually. Renewed 6 months ago.
So almost a year before he went into the nursing home. What was the old man into?
Anyway I got back to the apartment, bagged them in some evidence bags (don't ask!) and then left Gretel cheering herself up with gin and soap operas. I called a guy I know and he took them off me. Would see what he could find out. I didn't tell him about the cash. Will wait and see what he gets on the weapons.
So not the treasure map you were hoping for. Though knowing my family it was a close to family treasure as we were ever going to get.
And after all that I guess I owe you an explanation as to why I need the Dashing Major.
We're going to kidnap High Maintenance Mandy.
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