Well what an interesting week this has turned out to be. And all because of a few, rather badly taken, photos of me.
And as pleasant as it has been here, and everyone has been super, you are going to come and collect me soon aren't you?
And an update wouldn't go amiss.
Anyway, now that I have been given the all clear to update the blog I may as well update you on things here in the meantime.
I'm not sure if this was your idea or the Dashing Major's. I'm guessing it may have been his given the location and the fact that I'm staying with an old colleague of his. Chaplain Charles and his wife Fragrant Fiona are lovely by the way and have done all that they can to help me settle in here. Chaplain Charles has even found me a job. I'm teaching classes on basic computing and, for those with more advanced skills, web design. They are incredibly well attended, which I was surprised about, and it has helped to legitimise my being here.
I've also been joining in a bit with some of the squaddie training. That hasn't gone down well with everyone but I'm holding my own out there so there is not a lot they can do about it. I say that but realistically I'm guessing that it is the Dashing Major's influence that is to thank for that because no-one, not even the very grumpy Sergeant Major, has tried to stop me from joining in. And the guys from my classes are a good bunch and spur me on and mock me in equal measure. I've even done some rifle training today too so you'll all be pleased about that I'm guessing.
I still don't fully understand why you were all so concerned, and concerned enough to have me here, surrounded by the best of the British army. When the Dashing Major appeared in my office, looking uncharacteristically ruffled, all he would say is that pictures of me, obviously taken on a mobile phone or similar device, had been sent to Piotr the Protective and he needed to get me out of there. I was told to pack in a hurry, arrangements to keep me safe had been made, and then he drove us out here.
The new recruits are a lovely bunch in the main. There are some real rough diamonds amongst them and, from speaking with Chaplain Charles and Fragrant Fiona, the skills and training they will get in their time in the army will hopefully serve to break them out of the cycle of poverty and unemployment that plagues many of their families. And they learn discipline and routine and order.
You may be surprised to know that I'm struggling a bit with the discipline. Fragrant Fiona was, I think, rather hoping that I would join her in whatever it is that the wives of the officers do around here. I'm not sure that it is flower arranging and book club but I suspect that it isn't far from that, and that really isn't me. And Chaplain Charles did warn me that if I did decide to join in with the training, for which I have been provided with my own kit, then no concessions would be made and I would be expected to obey orders and be treated like any other squaddie. And I can see why I have to do that as it would confuse and undermine the training if one person is treated very differently from the others. And it adds further legitimacy to me being here. But it is hard.
We were on the assault course a few days ago and I think it should be borne in mind that I am significantly older than the new recruits and I still managed to complete the course in a decent time but nooooooo not good enough for the trainer. Noooooooo we have to shout at the Lady and insult her and tell her she should have done better - be faster - get over the walls cleaner, etc. etc. And then, to cap it off, he shouts at me for glaring at him like I should thank him for his useful and constructive feedback!!
Which, according to Chaplain Charles, I should have done apparently.
Anyway then I have to do 25 press-ups in the mud and he still didn't like my face so I had to do 25 more and 10 circuits of the course. I think even my face was too tired to rebel after that so must have sorted itself out sufficiently to pass further inspection.
What that has done however is to make me some sort of hero with the team here and probably why so many are signing up to my classes, if not out of a desire to improve their IT skills out of curiosity as to who the feisty woman is I guess.
They obviously get to leave the camp and were rather bemused that I have to stay behind when they go on their forays to the local town. And I was rather disappointed that I'm not supposed to socialise with them anyway. I'm expected to have dinner with colonel this or captain that and whilst they are, I'm sure, all super in their way I really would rather be out getting drunk with the squaddies. But again Orders.
And the Lady is not very good at taking orders.
So when I returned to camp, alone (I'm not stupid and I wasn't going to get any of the guys in trouble) I got hauled up before the CO. You had to admire his stamina. He must have shouted at me for a good 30 minutes at a volume and ferocity that quite frankly were impressive. Obviously they can't cut my pay because, as far as I know, I'm not getting paid. Also they can't get me to parade around for hours (one of the guys explained that's what they make them do) because I have no idea how to parade in the first place and I think it would be more punishment for them to teach me. So I'm on Tasks and Duties.
Which is an absolute hoot if I'm being honest. I get to see far more of the camp and spend more time with the fun bunch than I would if I was just sitting around watching TV and doing crosswords with Fragrant Fiona.
So all in all I think it is going very well but I suspect that the Dashing Major may get a very different update from his ex-colleagues in due course.
But as much fun as this all is if you guys could find your way to springing me some time soon I think it wouldn't just be me that would appreciate it.
Just saying.
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