Honestly you guys were making that far more difficult than it needed to be. It is all in the tactics and, as you saw, if everyone follows them the bosses aren't really that hard.
Was good to be back online with you all though. I have missed the banter but there just seems to be so much that needs doing with the house and between decorating and things and work I'm shattered by the end of the day.
Which reminds me. We're heading down to the facility shortly obviously for me to finish off that staff/waiting room. Do you want to come back up here when we leave? We now have a guest room that is ready to be occupied.
Okay so let me finish off telling you about the Agatha Christie weekend.
So to recap. Plastic Patty is still asleep in the chair in the drawing room. Honest Joe is on his way to A&E with Simpering Stella dutifully beside him in the ambulance. Sucking-lemons Cynthia and Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) are somewhere in the house. The Right Reverend Rupert is still nowhere to be found and everyone else is now in the drawing room helping themselves to the refilled tea, coffee and more cake that has now been provided by Merciless Mary (who has taken over on that front).
Barrow-boy Bruce was extremely agitated and was insisting that he and Tangerine Tracey go home. There didn't seem to be any reason for them to remain at the house and so a taxi was called and off they popped. The Dashing Major still had Honest Joe's mobile, now turned off, and was discussing quietly with the Convivial Count what best to do with it. He had shown the picture to him before turning it off so that the Convivial Count could best understand the delicacy of the situation. It was decided that it should remain 'lost' in the cellar and no doubt Honest Joe could sort himself out a replacement when he was recovered. If that picture was in the cloud then there was nothing that could be done to get rid of it but at least this way they were not party to whatever nasty business Honest Joe was up to.
Lord and Lady Marmaduke were the next to leave - reluctantly at least on Lord Marmaduke's part as we still had three missing guests to account for - but Lady Marmaduke was tired and insistent.
Pervy Percy, now without his new found friend, remembered that he had a fiancée and gently woke her so that they could head home. Plastic Patty was very groggy and probably still very drunk and appeared to have forgotten being snubbed at dinner so allowed herself to be gently removed into the taxi and off they went.
Insubstantial Ian was becoming concerned that Sucking-lemons Cynthia had still not returned to the drawing room and neither had Chief Superintendent Eric (retired). He was suggesting to the Convivial Count that he might, if the Convivial Count did not object, go looking for her.
You remember the shriek I mentioned? The one I heard when I was crossing the hallway? It suddenly occurred to me that it may have been a shriek of pleasure rather than fear. And Sucking-lemons Cynthia and Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) had been gone an awful long time. So I didn't think Insubstantial Ian was the best person to go looking for his wife just in case he actually found her. So I quickly offered to go looking as I was far more familiar with the house than he was and we were missing enough guests as it was so probably best if he stay in the drawing room in case she returned in the meantime. He reluctantly agreed and so off I went.
I headed to the guest bedrooms and once I was upstairs and in the corridor it quickly became apparent which room they were in. I wish I could erase all memory of the noises from my mind but I can't. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. Anyway I was sure I didn't need the visual images too so I rapped on the door hopefully loud enough that they would stop what they were doing but not so loud that anyone downstairs would hear. Thankfully it suddenly went quiet in the room so I cracked the door open ever so slightly and hissed through the opening that they had to get downstairs sharpish or I would be sending Insubstantial Ian up. I closed the door and from the noises inside it was clear that the threat had been sufficient to galvanise them into action. There were panicked whispers and much bumping and scrambling.
Anyway there didn't seem to be any need for me to remain outside the bedroom so I headed downstairs. I waited in the hallway just to make sure that they were both coming down and was there when a rather sheepish Sucking-lemons Cynthia appeared and made her way hurriedly downstairs. Suddenly Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) appeared clutching something in his hand. He half whispered half shouted to Sucking-lemons Cynthia that she had forgotten this and then tried to throw the item down to her.
And that, my dear Pirate, is how the knickers ended up in the chandelier.
Sucking-lemons Cynthia looked mortified. She just stood there as still as a statue staring up at Marks & Spencer's best cotton rich full briefs now dangling from one of the mock candle lights. Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) was cursing and apologising in equal measure. And then the drawing room door started to open.
I don't think I have moved quite so fast in a long time. Before anyone could come through it I was at the door and blocking their path. Thankfully it was Ever-so-capable Evelyn so I quickly pulled her through the door and closed it. I pointed at the pants and appraised her of the situation. But I had a plan. So I got Ever-so-capable Evelyn to call a taxi. I told Sucking-lemons Cynthia to wait until the taxi was pulling up the drive and then to make her way outside and around to the drawing room French windows and to rap on the window to be let in that way. Then she could tell her husband the taxi was here and there would be no need for him to exit via the hallway. In the meantime, Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) was to wait in the library until they had gone and then we would call him a taxi. And that was what happened.
And from their appearance at the fete the next day I would say that Insubstantial Ian is still blissfully unaware of his wife's infidelity. Chief Superintendent Eric (retired) at least had the decency not to turn up at all so I'm sure we were all relieved about that. However, the Right Reverend Rupert was still unaccounted for and this was a huge problem as he was the one that was supposed to open the fete and give a little speech. There was an emergency meeting of the fete committee members, or at least the ones that were there, and it was decided that the Convivial Count should do the honours instead. He quickly scribbled himself a speech of sorts on a napkin and that was that. The sun shone, the crowds arrived, things were judged, prizes were given and everyone had a jolly good time.
And as we headed back North the Right Reverend Rupert was still AWOL.
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